UNFILTERED

 Did you ever feel happy about some people leaving you because deep down you knew that them being there would have caused you more pain than the pain of letting them go?

 Dear Mom and Dad, I know you both are quite busy these days; i miss you. You are right here but it feels like you are somewhere far away living peacefully and getting on with your life with no clue whatsoever of how i am. I wish you knew how i feel these days, i wish you asked. I am struggling with everything. Struggling with grades, struggling with friends, struggling with keeping up with my assignments. I am struggling with life. I wish you came to me and asked how felt; i swear i'd cry if you did that. I wish you asked me why i read so many books rather than asking why i kept buying books and don't I have other things to do? i do, i have a lot to do, but I, at the same time don't want to be in this world and feel this loneliness. Books help me with that. it helps me go on; it drives away the sadness and whatever it is that I feel these days, away. I wish you checked on me too sometimes other than just worrying about my little brother and his life and his grades. I wish ...

 I don't know who is reading this, geez, i don't even know if anyone is ever gonna read it. I just wanted to say that I feel awful; and it is so sad that i have no one to tell how awful i feel right now. i want to cry so hard and so bad; but there is no one around, no one to see that i am sad, that i am crying my heart out. all i can do is, cry in the shower and let my tears flow with the water or cry right into my pillow and cage my sobs within it. at the end of the day there is only me who has to console myself. tell myself that it is all going to be alright. tell myself, that i am strong and should know and act like one.

Sometimes I wonder what our life without instruments would be like. Music makes everything alive and the fact that instruments produce those magical tunes is something utterly ethereal. The ability to transform air and soul around it, take people to a land they wish to never return from. Instruments and music complete this world in a way; there is no world without the world of music.

 Its weird how i feel free to write what i want on my blog page but when it comes to talk to someone about something or address things that really need to be addressed, the ocean of words in my head cease to exist. its maybe because i am aware that no one would ever be reading my thoughts here as compared to the words spoken which is left for everyone to hear and interpret (or maybe even misinterpret). being able to articulate your feelings in spoken words rather than written words is a talent, only a few possess, and i have immense respect for people who are capable of that. that kind of people, you can have a wonderful day today and days following today thinking that there is a girl typing up her complete and utter jealousy for you.

If only we made life less complicated 

 We think so much when we are an adult. We think about things we should think about, we think about things we shouldn't think about; we also think about what to think next. They were wrong when they said life is difficult when you are an adult. It's us who become difficult.