Acceptance

I am not mad at you.. you have just hurt me in innumerous different ways that it has now become difficult for me to trust you when you say anything to me.

I still do not understand what I want to do. You saying you miss me or you want to hug me all feel like a lie because you say these thing to people you care about and if you cared about me why would you hurt me so much?

I always let go of things because I think it is my fault, because I couldn't love you. But how long do I let things go like this? There will never be an end to this.

I know that we cannot ignore each other, but please don't expect me to be like we were before. I meant it when I said that you and I are not best friends anymore because best friends are not like this... It is also true that I kind of knew that we weren't best friends but I kept denying that fact. For me, being in denial was better than accepting that I have lost you.

But now, I am not going to be scared of it, I am not going to be scared of losing you. If losing you is what is written for me, then so be it. I am not going to feel guilty that I do not love you because I don't want to anymore. I am not going to tie you with me or pull you back when I feel you drifting away. Things will run naturally for me now. I have thought things through and accepted every single thing I did not want to think about. I am done.